More Walking Dead: Why women love Daryl

Why are women so crazy for Daryl?

---asked by a guy friend and fellow Walking Dead fan

This isn't as easy to explain as you would think because none of the conventional reasons apply.  He's handsome, but not unusually so.   He's not remarkably tall or brawny.  He's not a smooth talker; in fact, he speaks in redneck vernacular, which doesn't make most women weak in the knees.  Nor is he an Alpha-style leader.  When he's not operating alone, he's serving as Rick's second-in-command.  As far as his sexual style, the writers haven't given him a love interest so we can only imagine how he'd be between the sheets.  We do lots of imagining.

His appeal goes beyond the bare, muscled arms, the chopper, the tough guy with a tender heart thing--those elements apply to half the men on tv and film.  Nope, Darryl has something more and the only word I can think of to describe it is primal.  He's the type of man who stimulates the primitive responses in every woman because his behavior is also primitive.  This is to say, he is a man who protects and provides.


I don't care that it's 2013 and nor do our primal instincts.  They don't care that the 1970's feminist movement sent the message to generations of women that men are natural oppressors of female power, and that "equality" is achieved only if we turn the tables and oppress them.  Nor do our instincts care about all those sitcoms of the 80's and 90's in which dumb men had to be supervised at every turn by their far-smarter women.  And lastly, they do not care that the You go, girl! mentality of the new millennium encourages women to get down and dirty and behave like men instead of rising above vulgarity like goddesses.  All of those movements are just societal trends.  Adaptation doesn't take societal trends seriously unless they have 1) been in place for a few thousand years, or 2) unless they significantly contribute to a species' success.  All this sniping and one-upmanship between the genders doesn't contribute.  It harms.  Thus, no adaptation is taking place.

For at least 200,000 years, the success of our species has depended partly upon the separate, mutually dependent strengths of both genders.  Men and women have reflexively stepped up where the other is weak, and stepped back where the other is strong.  In other words, we've operated on an "equal but different" premise.  Men protect and provide; women nurture, stabilize, and keep the peace.  Anyone who thinks we have evolved beyond that is either a domineering woman with penis envy or a lazy guy who wants to stay home gaming while his wife goes off to work.  Sorry, folks, it's as simple as that.

If you're still listening, this is where Daryl Dixon comes in.  Women know what kind of guy he is and he's definitely not the one who wants to sit at home.  He's the yang to our yin.  He's the one who fends off danger with his crossbow; the one who brings food home, even if it is speared squirrel.  He's the guy who searched the land for the doomed Sofia; the one who jumped on his chopper to get formula for the motherless newborn.  He's the guy who continually rescues Carol, even picking her up and carrying her back to the safety of the group.  He is the guy every Paleolithic woman would have wanted--the protector, provider, and defender of women and children.

All due respect to the other strong men of the Walking Dead, of course.  However, our ruthless survival instincts have identified some flaws in their worthiness as mates.  Rick is certainly appealing, but he is riddled with angst, and this occasionally impedes his ability to protect the group. 

Burly Shane looked good at first.  After all, when he believed Rick was dead, he took charge of getting his wife and child out of Atlanta.  However, his out-of-control testosterone levels did him in.  He slowly came apart at the seams.  He was unstable and dangerous and that's not a turn-on.

Glen is attractive, but in a little-brother kind of way.  He's swift and smart and likeable.  We collectively applauded when he finally won over equally-likeable Maggie.  However, theirs is a new millennium relationship.  Maggie called most of the shots in their courtship.  When she decided it was time, she did the seducing.  In a Utopian world, one can envision Maggie venturing out to slay the beast and bringing it home for Glen to roast on the fire.  On a more evolved level, we're comfortable with that scenario; however, this kind of man is still unfamiliar to the survival-focused limbic part of our brains.  We approve of Glen, but only if he is someone else's man.  Our man is Daryl. 

Even our more evolved frontal lobes are stimulated by Daryl.  We like that he doesn't allow his personal upsets to interfere with his role as protector of the group.  We like the sleeveless shirts and the scruffy exterior.  We like that he is drawn to quiet, humble, very average Carol, and apparently not to sexy Andrea with her tight jeans and gun lust. 

We like that he's not overtly sweet and sensitive.  You see, we women have become accustomed to being played by men whose goal is to have sex with us.  At one time or another, most of us have fallen for the guy who appears sensitive on the outside but is an emotional brute underneath.  Daryl is the opposite.  He doesn't bother with sweet talk or flattery.  That's just talk, and one thing he doesn't do is talk the sweet talk.  For him, it's all about the walk, and in every single episode, he proves it by walking that manly walk.



Forgotten Movies to Watch on a Rainy Sunday

With a couple of exceptions, these movies aren't cinematic masterpieces.  However, they each have something to offer--an evocative atmosphere, perhaps, or a unique story line.  A few of them are cult classics.  Several of them are charmingly bad.  A few will play with your mind.  All of them are wonderful for one reason or another.  Unfortunately, all have been forgotten by mainstream audiences.

Maybe I'll Come Home in the Spring (1971)

Starring Sally Field, Eleanor Parker & David Carradine

Sally Field plays a rebellious teen who runs away from her conventional, upper middle-class family. Once she returns home, she struggles to find her place within the conventions that were once so familiar.  Her judgment is put to the test when her hippie boyfriend, played by Carradine, shows up to reclaim her.

Why you should see it:   Its surprising realism.  Hollywood would have you think that youth culture in the 60's was all about freedom, lovemaking and mind-expansion. Not so. Disenchanted runaways rarely found Utopia.   Many of them ate out of garbage cans, contracted STD's and had no means of maintaining their own hygiene. Without the protection of societal authority, they were often the victims of theft, rape, and physical abuse. This film doesn't try to pretty it up.

Sister, Sister (1987)

Starring Jennifer Jason Leigh & Eric Stoltz

A Southern Gothic film set in the bayous of Louisiana.  Jennifer Jason Leigh is an emotionally fragile young woman who lives with her older, more stable sister in the family's antebellum mansion.

Why you should see it:  Atmosphere.  The dialogue is weak and the plot, predictable.  However, there is actually some solid cinematography here.  Imagine ghostly lanterns swaying in a dark, misty bayou.  Imagine an earthy Cajun fisherman, played by Benjamin Mouton, gliding his flat-bottomed boat through the murky waters calling softly for Lucy.  The atmosphere is so evocative you can almost feel the dampness of the bayou on the back of your neck.

That Night (1992)

Starring Juliette Lewis, C. Thomas Howell & Eliza Dushku

Girls learn how to be women by watching the behavior of the women around them.  Such is the story of ten year-old Alice, a smart, sensitive girl coming of age in Long Island in 1961.  Across the street from Alice lives Sheryl, her girl crush, played with confidence by Juliette Lewis.  Young Alice spies on Sheryl from her window, observing her behavior, her habits, digesting her supreme self-ownership.  When circumstances bring the two of them together, a bittersweet friendship develops.

Why you should see it:  The nostalgia.  No matter when you grew up, you will remember what it was like to be Alice; awkward, undeveloped, and rehearsing for adulthood.  Most of us can also remember what it was like to be Sheryl; that brief period of time in which our sexuality was new to us; when love and lust were the same thing, when we looked at the road ahead of us and saw only good things lying in wait.

The Beguiled (1971)

Starring Clint Eastwood and Geraldine Page

One of Clint Eastwood's lesser-known films, The Beguiled tells the story of a wounded Yankee soldier who finds sanctuary in a private school full of Southern belles.  The story is not a romance; it is a psychological suspense film, and like most psychological thrillers, the atmosphere is dark and spine-chilling.  The ever-changing balance of power between Eastwood and each of the ladies will leave you wondering who is doing the beguiling and who, in fact, has been beguiled.

Why you should see it:  You will see a part of yourself in each of these women.  There is the shy but trusting good girl.  There is the sexually aggressive temptress.  There is the Alpha headmistress, played by Geraldine Page, whose suppressed longings make her seem like easy prey.  This is mostly her story, but it is ours too.  It is the story of every woman who has been seriously underestimated by a player.

The Bad Seed (1956)

Starring Patty McCormack, Nancy Kelly & Eileen Heckart

Let's face it.  Evil children are fascinating, especially when their evil is believable.  The strength of this film (based on the 1954 novel by William March) is its credibility.  Little Rhoda isn't possessed by the devil.  She isn't a zombie.  She hasn't been genetically altered or bitten by a vampire.  It's more frightening than that.  She is a full-fledged sociopath who may have inherited the "bad seed" from her grandmother.  That's where the chill factor lies--right there in the premise that evil is embedded in nature, and can't be eradicated by any amount of nurture.

Why you should see it:  It is probably the best Evil Child film ever made.  The acting, even among the secondary characters, is flawless.  The suspense, which stays pretty high throughout the film, becomes almost unbearable against the backdrop of Rhoda's childish piano-playing.  If you have children, you will feel grateful for their comparatively benign shortcomings.  If you don't have children, you just might end up feeling you dodged a bullet.

Valley of the Dolls (1967)



Starring Patti Duke, Barbara Parkins, Sharon Tate

Salacious, delicious, and 1960's-style camp.  In one movie, you get a good girl gone bad, an elegant ice queen, an achingly sweet sex kitten (played tragically by the equally tragic Sharon Tate).  You've got husband-stealing, drug addictions, a gay man trapped in a straight marriage, a suicide, a degenerative disease, and a wig being ripped off an aging diva's head and flushed down the toilet.  Not enough for you?   There are glamorous photo shoots, sequined show girls, and more wardrobe changes than a Real Housewife of Anywhere could keep up with.  Still not enough?  Alright, you've got behind-the-scenes controversies galore.  For instance, Judy Garland was cast in the film but was fired because of her own pill-fueled behavior.  Raquel Welch was offered a role in the film but turned it down because she felt the movie was too trashy.  (Digest that for a moment.  It was too trashy for the actress who played a bikini-clad cavegirl in One Million Years BC and a cat-fighting roller derby girl in Kansas City Bomber).  Lastly, author Jacqueline Susanne felt the film version of her novel was so bad that she walked out of its premier.  This is a woman whose own writing style was so bad that her publisher had to rewrite the novel from top to bottom "just to get it to mediocre."  The reality checks just keep on coming.

Why you should see it: You can't call yourself a connoisseur of B movies until you've watched Valley of the Dolls.  In keeping with the spirit of the movie, you should watch it on an evening when you're laying half-naked on your couch, eating something that's bad for your arteries, drinking something that leads to bad decisions, and laying in the arms of someone who is bad for your reputation.

Hysterical Blindness (2002)

Starring Uma Thurman, Juliette Lewis, Gena Rowlands & Ben Gazarra

This gritty and often-uncomfortable HBO movie earned Uma Thurman a Golden Globe award. She plays Debbie, a Jersey girl desperately looking for love. Toward that end, she makes herself sexually available to any man who throws a tidbit of attention her way.  Her neediness and her desperation make her unappealing as a real girlfriend, so she is continually used for sex only.  Naturally, this leaves her devoid of self-worth. Thurman is so convincing in this role that you find yourself wanting to reach through the screen, grab her out of the bar, and have a heart-to-heart girl talk with her.

Why you should see it: The story is a painful but necessary eye-opener for young women who believe that having sex with a guy is a good way to get him to love you.

Don't Look Now (1973)

Starring Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland

This is one of those forgotten films that actually is a cinematatic masterpiece.

After losing their young daughter to a tragic accident, a married couple takes a working vacation in Venice.  There, the spirit of their child tries to warn them through a medium that they are in grave danger.   

Why you should see it:  At the very least, the scenery of Venice, but there is so much more.  The story is dark, slow-moving, and unsettling.  Many have described it as one of the scariest movies ever made, primarily because it does not depend on conventional scare tactics.  There are no rapid-fire action scenes or terrorizing ghosts.  There is only the unnerving aloneness of this tragic couple and the inevitable sense of doom that follows them to Venice.  The film is so well crafted that you can feel that doom like a cold draft emanating from your tv screen.

The Omega Man (1971)

Starring Charlton Heston and Anthony Zerbe

This was one of the best apocalypse movies.  Charlton Heston plays a military physician who survives a biological warfare event.  While the other survivors have been turned into albino zombies, he has been spared by having inoculated himself with an experimental vaccine.  Survival, however, is a dubious blessing; the moment the sun goes down, Heston must fight leagues of zombies who are out to claim his soul.  While he fights the good fight, we get to see zombies falling from balconies, firebombs, and motorcycle stunts.  There is also an entertaining sexual chemistry between Heston and Lisa, his beautiful, jive-talking, leather-jacketed girlfriend. (Hers was a pretty standard character of the era's Blackploitation films).

Why you should see it:  Its credibility.  While the premise sounds outlandish, it is written skillfully enough to leave no doubt that this is exactly how the world would feel for a survivor of an apocalypse.  (Screenwriter Joyce Corrington held a doctorate in Chemistry and wanted the plot to be credible).  Watch this one on a night when you have someone warm and pigmented to hold onto.

Freaks (1932)

Starring a cast of real-life carnival performers

Here's the uncomfortable truth.  During a regrettable period in Western society, those who were born with severe birth defects were either euthanized, hidden away in sanatoriums, or were sold by their families to the circus.  Freaks is their story.  It begins when two "normal" carnival performers--the Strong Man and the beautiful trapeze artist--attempt to impart harm on one of the midgets.  They soon learn that their strength and beauty are no match for the protectiveness that these self-described "freaks" feel for one another.

Why you should see it:  On principle.  The film was banned in the UK for 30 years.  While the ban was benevolent in its intentions, it was terribly misguided, as it deprived these actors of earnings they needed and deserved.

Certainly there were circus freaks who were abused, however most were not.  Most were smart, business-savvy professionals who guided their own careers.  Those who were cognitively impaired were often cared for till death by fellow carnies.  None asked for our pity or protection.  They didn't need it.  They took care of themselves and they took care of their own, as illustrated in this film.  To shun Freaks based on political correctness is to undermine the nobility of these performers.

Trilogy of Terror (1975)

Starring Karen Black

This odd little made-for-TV film is actually a trio of stories in which Karen Black portrays four different characters (two of them twins).  The first two stories are weak.  Watch those while you're doing housework or paying bills.  You'll want to sit down for the third, though.  This is the story for which the movie is best known.  It involves Amelia, a single woman who lives a humdrum life until the day she receives a gift in the form of a Zuni fetish doll.  The doll takes life, changing Amelia forever.

Why you should see it:  The oddity of it all.  You won't be able to stop watching, and at least once, you will ask yourself, "Am I really seeing this?"  It's laughable and horrific and quirky. 

Interesting note: Karen Black, a smart and legitimate actress, felt this was the movie that permanently typecast her in B-grade horror films.  Once you see it, you will understand how one little screeching, knife-wielding Zuni doll was able to alter the course of her career.

Boob Jobs, Gyms & Starvation: What won't we do?

The Venus of Willendorf,
carved 24,000 years ago.

I'm going to start by asking a question to which I do not have an answer.  Who decides what the feminine standard of beauty is going to be from one era to the next?  If someone knows, tell me, because I can only assume there is a small, elite group of avante garde types who decide what "the look" is going to be for the next ten or twenty years.  I suspect this elite group consists of representatives from the fashion industry and Hollywood.  Together, they review the current look and formulate the new one.  Then they turn to the ad men from Madison Avenue who have been sitting back waiting for direction.  "OK, we want women to start looking like this," they tell them.  "Go do what you do.  Make it happen."

Chinese men preferred small feet, so in adolescence, a girl's
feet were broken & the toes folded underneath the arch.
No decent man would marry her if she did not do this.

While I don't know for sure who comprises that elite group in the tower, I do know there isn't an average woman among them.  We're merely informed of our new look.  It's up to us to adapt ourselves appropriately.  If we need to altar the structure of our bodies to accommodate the new look, so be it.  Chinese women broke their feet and regrew them.  Wealthy Victorian women cinched themselves in with corsets to achieve the wasp waist.  Modern women get bags of saline inserted into their chests.  Historically, we have done whatever it takes--or die trying, which some of us actually do.

In the 1920's, the word came out from the people in the tower that the breastless, hipless tomboy figure would be the new feminine ideal.  In response, women cut their hair and wore the shapeless sheath dress, a garment that conceals all evidence of the female curve.  This long, slender, boyish look had to have been hell for the fashion-conscious woman with hips and breasts, but by God, they tried, even if it meant strapping their breasts down.  Unbelievable, but many did just that.

A rare nude photo of Elizabeth Taylor,
taken for her fiance, Michael Todd.
Liz was one gentle curve after another.

Fortunately for them, the tower people brought curves back for the 1940's and 50's.  In fact, an almost exaggerated femininity was called for.  There were long, stockinged legs with seams up the back.  There were bras that turned breasts into zeppelins.  Hips and butts were accentuated.  If a woman had done it right, when she stood sideways, her body would look like a big letter S.  With the right lingerie, it wasn't a difficult look to achieve, even for the woman who didn't have much in the way of T&A.

1950's goddess Jane Mansfield was the classic S-shape.

Raquel Welch had long
legs and curves.  Note
the soft, rounded hips.

Somewhere in the mid-1960's, another meeting was called in the tower.  "Enough with the T&A," they apparently said.  "We want them taller and a little thinner.  We still want some curve, but we want them to grow their legs longer."  We answered the call.  We went out and bought the miniskirts and boots.  To add another inch or two to our height, we teased our hair at the top.  The whole look was long: long legs, long hair, long eyelashes.  If it could be managed, the finished look was ultra cool.  Let me tell you, though, it was a rough era for short, round women, or for those who had been born with naturally big thighs. 

This 1978 photo of Cheryl Tiegs
represents a more toned curvy girl.

Forunately for the Big Thigh women, the long, leggy look was abruptly changed in the mid-seventies.  The new look would be something new, something we hadn't dealt with before.  "Skinny is still in," we were told, "but we want a different kind of skinny.  We want a toned skinny.  Off you go, now."

So off we went.  We "jogged."  We went to fitness centers and "exercised."  We put our hips and thighs in those bizarre vibrating belts to loosen our fat.  Then we did jumping jacks and sit-ups in groups.  We focused entirely on calories.  Nutrition wasn't much of a concern to us.  As long as we were following the food pyramid and burning calories, we were covered.

Janet Jones-Gretzky
epitomized the super
sculpted 80's body

Things got serious in the 80's.  Another decision was made for us.  Skinny was still in, but toned skinny wasn't good enough anymore.  The tower was requesting a more sculpted kind of skinny.  They wanted to see a little more muscle on us. 

Our first order of business was the way we perceived food.  How we ate became very scientific.  We stopped focusing on calories.  We educated ourselves on carbs and electrolites and protein and muscle-mass.  Jogging was replaced with running.  Exercising was replaced with working out.  We picked up weights and got all kinds of physical.  Our hips and butts were acceptable, thank God, but they couldn't be soft; they had to be sculpted and rock-hard.  Our boobs were alright, but they had to be big; like, really big.  If we didn't have them naturally, we had to go get them surgically implanted.

Kendra Wilkinson embodies
the millenium ideal--
hipless and petite with
over-sized breast implants.

We went like that through the nineties and 00's.  The only change we've been asked to incorporate is a sort of downsizing of our body mass.  The tower people want us to continue with the body sculpting and big implants, but now they want us to be simultaneously tiny.  This has been rough, especially since nature rarely produces a petite body with really big boobs.  In order to get that look, you have to work out a lot, eat very little, and spend a lot of money.  The only ones getting on board with it are strippers, playmates, actresses, and the Real Housewives of Wherever.  The rest of us, not so much. 

There are a couple of reasons why average women aren't even bothering.  First, we're so far away from it.  Those tiny little bodies seem so impossible.  Second, as a whole, we're fatter than ever.  This does not mean we're all a bunch of slovenly, lazy hags, mind you.  With a few exceptions, we're not.  The truth is, it's more difficult to be trim and fit than it used to be.  The healthy, unprocessed food that was readily available at the A&P when we were kids is now considered organic and we have to go to special places to get it.  What is easy to find is food that is fatty, salty, and overly processed.

Even worse, the jobs that used to keep us running around all day now keep us seated in front of a computer for eight hours.  In order to get our metabolisms up, we have to go to the gym after work.  Most women now are single mothers, the primary wage earners, or the sole supporters of children, grandchildren, and sometimes even parents.  The gym isn't high on their list of priorities. 

As far as I know, this is the first time women have balked at the edict issued from the tower.  In fact, we're actively rebelling against it.  We want the option of being overweight in varying degrees.  We're accepting this in ourselves even if no one else is.  We're calling ourselves "curvy" and "real" instead of "fat."  If we are concerned at all about our weight, it is for reasons of health and well-being, and not because of anything the decision-makers in the tower have to say about it.

Swimsuit model Kate Upton
is controversial because she
is considered to be fat.

This rebellion is causing a lot of bickering between the fat camp and the skinny camp.  There's a lot of name-calling going on.  Men--usually the ones who have the final say on what makes a woman beautiful--don't always know how to handle it all.  They know what they like even if they can't define it.  They want a woman with curves, but they don't want fat.  They like petite but they don't necessarily like skinny.  They like big boobs, but they don't want the hard, melon-like things surgeons are putting on womens' chests.  It's a minefield.  The smart ones stay out of the fray and tell us we're all beautiful.

Model Elle Macpherson was considered
to have the best body in the business;
hence, her nickname "The Body."

I think we all need to stop arguing with each other and address our concerns to the elite group in the tower.  We need to tell them they really blew it this time.  They gave us a standard of beauty that few of us have the time or the money to attain.  Sure, we want the big boobs on the tiny body, but we're not willing to starve ourselves or go under the knife to get it.

Here's the thing, unseen tower people.  If you've got to dictate how we're going to look, at least give us something we have a shot at.  Let's start with the breast implants.  Can we take them off the table so to speak?  And can you allow for a little extra curve; at least the kind we can't diminish with diet and exercise?  If you do that, we'll meet you halfway.  We'll try a little harder to get trimmer and fitter.  We'll go to a reasonable amount of trouble.  Some of us will get the extensions and the weaves; we'll get waxed and manicured and spray tanned.  A few of us will get lipo and Botox.  If we can't afford that, we'll at least buy the anti-aging creams and all the rest of the crap that makes us feel like we have some control.  If you allow us to look a bit more like honest to God women, we'll hold up our end of the bargain by doing the tweaking.  Too much to ask?

Let's end with Marilyn, since she endures as the standard of female beauty.
Back in the days before breast implants, this was considered busty.
Today, she would be sent to a nutritionist for weight loss,
a personal trainer for body sculpting, and to a surgeon for breast implants.
However, even today, men say she was just fine the way she was.  Take that, tower people.

20 Standout One-Liners in Film

In the spirit of the dead-on one-liner, let's cut right to the chase.



(1)  "Plastics"  --  The Graduate

In Yoda-like fashion, a member of the older generation shares with Benjamin the secret to success.


(2)  "Those aren't pillows!"  --  Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Nothing good ever comes of two straight men sharing a bed.


(3)  "I won't be ignored, Dan." -- Fatal Attraction

Little did we know at this point in the movie how much she meant that.


(4)  "What's a yoot?"  --  My Cousin Vinnie

New Yorker Vinnie Gambini and rural Southern judge experience a failure to communicate.


(5)  "I'm walking here!" -- Midnight Cowboy

Ratso Rizzo and his crippled leg stand up to 3,000 pounds of steel.


(6)  "Wyoming." --  Dog Day Afternoon

Al Pacino got to do the "Attica" thing, but John Cazales got to ad-lib this line when Sonny asks him what country he wants to move to after they make their getaway.


(7)  "What are you going to do, charge me with smoking?"  --  Basic Instinct

Sharon Stone's response to the detective who orders her not to smoke during interrogation.  She knows she's the one with the power here.  Just to drive that point home, she recrosses her legs.


(8)  "Merrin!!!"  --  The Exorcist

Here we were thinking Father Karras was the exorcist, but Satan was just using Karras to warm up.  Merrin is the one he's been waiting for.


(9)  "What's in the box?"  --  Seven

We know, and he knows.  We don't want him to open it, but we kind of do.


(10)  "Fra-gee-lee."  --  A Christmas Story

The Old Man wants so badly to believe his leg lamp is of exotic origins.


(11)  "We are three young career girls."  --  To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Vida Boheme, one of three drag queens on the road to trouble, provides a cop with a surprisingly accurate description of themselves.

(12)  "And to think that in some countries, these dogs are eaten."  --  Best in Show

Buck Laughlin, the under-qualified commentator at the Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show, making what he thinks is another insightful and informative comment.


(13)  "Anything so innocent and built like that just gotta be named Lucille."  --  Cool Hand Luke

Dragline describing the legendary soaped up, car-washing blonde while he and his fellow prisoners dig rocks.


(14)  "I like to watch." --  Being There

A man who enjoys watching tv sets up the funniest self-gratification scene in non-porn cinema.


(15)  "He got a real pretty mouth, ain't he?"  --  Deliverance

Even horny mountain men understand the importance of sweet-talking your partner.


(16)  "Snap out of it!" -- Moonstruck

What every man wants to hear when he decides to tell a woman he loves her.


(17)  "Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way?" -- Star Wars

The imperious Princess Leia shows no respect for the most beloved Wookie in the galaxy.


(18)  "He says the Sheriff is near."  --  Blazing Saddles

The townspeople await the arrival of their new Sherriff.  The church bells drown out a detail about his ethnicity that will be particularly salient to this crowd.

(19)  "You talking to me?"  --  Taxi Driver

Any guy who says he never tried out this line in front of a mirror is lying.


(20)  "Leave the gun.  Take the cannoli."  --  The Godfather

OK, so it's two lines, but let's assume a semi-colon and not a period was used in the script.  It was a line that told you where Pauly, the offed rat, rated on Clemenza's list of concerns.

For the Love of Bad Movies

Back in college, I took a couple of film studies courses.  They were nothing high falluting, but they equipped me with the basics of critical film-watching. 

It was easy to distinguish the Film Studies students from those of us who were taking these courses as electives.  We said "movies" whereas they said "cinema."  Additionally, we focused on the story and they, more on lighting techniques and camera angles.  They seemed to enjoy analyzing the process of movie-making more than the movies themselves.  Please God, never let me reach a point where I'm analyzing all the fun out of the movies.

Over the years, I've developed a contempt for amateur movie snobs.  You know the type.  They fill the comment sections of movie forums.  They use the word "overrated" a lot, as they believe that any movie that has mass appeal is contemptible.  They talk a lot about bad acting or bad storylines as though they're seeing something the unsophisticated masses are too dumb to pick up on. 



They also refer to actors only by their last names.  I recently read a comment on a movie forum from a young guy who referred to The Break-Up as "Anniston's best work."  I smiled out loud at this.  I suspect "Anniston" would too, as she doesn't seem to take herself or her "craft" too seriously.  She would recognize the statement as being just as silly and pompous as Jolie's right leg.

My Love for Bad Movies

No matter how bad a movie might be, it still involves a group of people who were doing their best with what they had.  So, even if a film isn't deserving of 90 minutes of my time, it's deserving of my respect. 

I have thoroughly enjoyed some of the worst movies ever made.  A movie may be bad in its entirety, but there's usually a compensating element in there somewhere--scenery or an atmosphere, maybe--that  earns a place on my movie shelf.  Yes, I actually go looking for bad movies.  They're not easy to find, either, because in some cases, it would seem that I alone represent the demand for them.  For example, I recently found The Sweet Ride on eBay and grabbed it right up.  Made in 1968, it stars Tony Franciosa as a beach bum, and Jacqueline Bissett as a rich, rebellious party girl who hangs with the surfers for a while in their beach shack.  I like it because it features a cool supporting role by Bob Denver of Gilligan's Island.  That's all it takes for me.  If there's one cool character, I'll sit through no end of atrociousness. 

Genres, the good and the bad

Every movie fan has an era or a genre that stirs a passion.   My favorite genre is film noire.  I love watching the detectives standing tall in their suits and hats.   I love the women in their tailored skirts and blouses and veiled hats.  I love that everyone smoked and drank.  I love the subtle sexuality that winds throughout these films.  I love the campy titles: Deadline at Dawn.  I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang.  This Gun for Hire.

Whenever Hollywood tries to redo film noire (I guess we're calling it neo-noire), they get a lot of flack from the film snobs, who seem to believe that a genre should be frozen in time and never touched again.  I disagree.  I am grateful that modern directors are keeping film noire alive with movies like Chinatown, LA Confidential, and Mulholland Falls.  They're familiarizing younger movie-goers with a genre that might otherwise have been locked in a vault and withheld from future generations.   

Film snobs also pick on film adaptations of novels, saying the movie is never as good as the book.  Usually they're not, but sometimes they are.  I felt that The Color Purple, Jaws, and The Godfather were all better movies than the novels on which they were based.  Same goes for remakes, which everyone claims are never as good as the originals.  Again, sometimes they are.  For instance, I think Al Pacino made Scarface a better movie than the original.  I also prefer the remake of The Birdcage  to the original French version La Cage aux Folles.  And lastly, Gary Oldman's quirky Dracula is just as appealing to me as the Bela Lugosi classic.  That's my two cents.

As far as genres go, let's not forget that just because a film was part of a classic genre doesn't automatically mean it's a good film.  There was some bad film noire.  There was certainly bad classic science fiction, though I think most of us are OK with that.  For instance, how many times is the boat that the sea creature is tossing around an actual and obvious toy in a tub?  How many times have you seen the airplane hanging from a visible string, or the zippers on the backs of the monster costumes?  These are the elements that turn bad movies into cult favorites.  In fact, because it honored bad science fiction cult films, Rocky Horror Picture Show became a cult film itself.

Movies that represent a well-known style but no actual genre

I love British movies that epitomize the 1960's culture.  They featured Swinging London, go-go boots, and cool chicks with lots of eye makeup and big manes of hair (Georgy Girl, Alfie, Casino Royale).  I love the Southern Gothic thriller, the ones that are usually set in the bayou (Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte is a good one.  The 1987 Gothic thriller, Sister Sister is one of my favorite bad ones).  I love the British Gothic suspense films, the ones with the mansions, thunderstorms, and women who carried candlelabras through the dark of night (The Pit and the Pendulum, The Innocents; all those Dracula movies by Hammer Films).

Three types of formula movies I don't like

(1)  The romantic comedy.  The target demographic is young women, though women of all ages seem drawn to them.  Their appeal is based on their reassuring predictability.

The lead female role is always played by a spunky sweetheart like Reese Witherspoon or Julia Roberts or Hillary Duff.  The lead man is either Matthew McConaughey or an appropriate knock-off.  When we first meet the leading man, he is either obnoxious or socially awkward.  Next comes the cute first meeting between man and woman, typically involving a bizarre set of circumstances.  Sparks fly.  Soon we meet the heartwarming third element--a child, a beloved pet, or an elderly relative--who enables the man to demonstrate his sensitive side.  After that comes a misunderstanding that is severe enough to drive the woman away.  Eventually, though (and this usually happens through the intervention of the wacky best friend or the heartwarming third element) a reunion happens.  The terrible misunderstanding is all cleared up.

(2) The sex comedy.  These films target 18-30 year-old males.  A sampling: Good Luck Chuck, American Pie, The 40 Year-Old Virgin.   For many women, these movies feel like an hour and a half of being hit in the face with a penis.  It's only fair, though.  Many a man has suffered through a romantic comedy that has made him feel like he's being smothered by a vagina.

The goal of the male sex comedy is to feature as many breast implants as possible.  While their story lines tend to be a little more creative than those of the romantic comedy, they follow a well-worn formula, too.  The following elements will always be present: the oddball best friend; a good woman who is either out of the man's league or is otherwise unavailable to him; at least one man behaving badly; an encounter with the law; and a misunderstanding that jeaopardizes the guy's chance of getting the girl.  The sex comedy is basically soft-core porn with a veil of humor thrown over it.  Just speaking for myself here, if I'm in the mood for porn, I'm not going to sit through all the shenanigans of the male sex comedy.  I'm going to go straight for the real thing.

3)  Lastly is the big budget sci-fi movies like Star Wars, Men in Black, Independence Day, which appeal mostly to a cult following of young techies.  While I don't care for these films, I hold them in high esteem.  They work hard for the money.  They're less formulated than the romantic comedy or the sex comedy.  They're usually meticulously written and directed.  I've watched sections of these movies once they come out on cable, but I've never gone to the theater and watched one of them from beginning to end.  However, I suspect they are our future classics, so thumbs up in advance.

In fact, thumbs up to all movies, whether they're good, bad, or unwatcheable.  I may not like a movie, but someone else might, in which case it has value.  Goodnight and respect.

My Favorite Supporting Actors

Sometimes supporting actors are so good in their roles that a film is remembered just as much by its supporting actor as it is for its star. Think of John Goodman in The Big Lebowski; Val Kilmer in Tombstone; Agnes Moorehead in Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte; Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now; Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls; Joe Pesci in Goodfellas; Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction; and Steve Buscemi and Dennis Hopper in every film they've ever made.

Actors get put into supporting roles for a number of reasons.  They may not be considered attractive enough by "movie star" standards.  However, they may be too good to pass up, so a place is found for them in a supporting role.

Sometimes actors prefer supporting roles.  (John Malkovich is a good example).  After all, there are benefits to not being the lead.  The careers of supporting actors are usually more prolific because they don't need to worry about over-exposure.  They can move easily between stage, tv, and screen because they aren't confined by a persona the way stars often are.  Their careers tend to be longer-lasting because their lower profiles keep audiences from tiring of them as the years go by.  They are the true work horses of Hollywood. 

JOHN CAZALE

He always played struggling, marginalized characters.  He was primarily a stage actor, but the few films he did were heavy hitters: The Godfather I and Godfather II; Dog Day Afternoon; The Deer Hunter.  Interesting story: during the filming of The Deer Hunter, he was dying a painful death from bone cancer.  When the studio found out how ill he was, they made the decision to fire him.  However, his girlfriend and co-star Meryl Streep threatened to quit if they did so (pretty laudable, considering this was her first big opportunity in Hollywood).  The studio felt Streep was a perfect fit for her character and didn't want to lose her, so they agreed to keep Cazale.  He showed up every day for work and finished the job.  He died shortly after the film wrapped. 

He gives one of his best performances as Fredo Corleone in The Godfather.  There is a scene in which he stands with his stronger, more confident brothers around his father's bed after he has returned from the hospital.  Sonny prompts Fredo to tell their father about his new role in the family.  Fredo pauses, embarrassed by the attention.  Haltingly, he says, "I'm going to...learn the casino business."  With this one line, he conveys just what a boy Fredo still is; how much he wants his father's respect and how unsure he is that he has it.  With this one line, he delivers the whole character.

EVE ARDEN

Eve Arden's career spanned sixty years and included radio, tv, stage, and film.  On film, she almost always played the part of the man-hunting, wise-cracking best friend or the smart, single professional woman.  In her youth, producers felt she lacked the sexual allure of a leading lady.  Ironically, this probably contributed to her longevity in the business.  When the beauty of the leading ladies faded, they were as good as done.  Eve Arden's screen persona wasn't dependent upon beauty, so she was cracking those one-liners right into her seventies.

She was at her best as Maida Rutledge, secretary to lawyer Jimmy Stewart's in Anatomy of a Murder.  There is a scene in which Jimmy Stewart asks Maida what she thinks of the potential client who awaits him in his office.  The client is Lee Remick, whose sexuality simmers and occasionally boils right over.  Without pausing in her work, Maida says, "Soft.  Easy.  The kind men like to take advantage of....and do."  Her timing is what makes this scene noteworthy; it is the perfectly timed pause before she says, "....and do."  There is no ta-dah tone that was so common in crime dramas of that era.  She was smooth as silk.  She was like that in every scene in every film.  A pro.

JOHN MALKOVICH

Intense, quirky John Malkovich's body of work comprises writing, directing, producing as well as acting.  His film career alone includes 74 movies.

In Mulholland Falls, he plays General Timms, an Army General who has been caught on film with a prostitute who later turns up dead.  Max Hoover, a lieutenant for the LAPD (played by Nick Nolte) has come to the General's home to interview him.  In the midst of the interview, the General decides to give Max a Cliff Notes version of nuclear physics.  When he's done, Max pauses, then responds, "I really don't think too much about those things.  I probably see too much."  Malkovich politely asks, "What do you see?" 

Max's comment was intended to engender the General's respect: the General may know physics, but Max is a cop and he has seen things.  Malkovich's dismissiveness keeps the cop down where he belongs, as he sees it.  There is even a barely perceptible mocking tone in his question.  He's one of very few actors who could infuse a soft-spoken, polite question with contempt. 

SHELLEY WINTERS

If Shelley Winters had walked down the average American street in her prime, she would have stopped traffic.  Hollywood, however, did not consider her beautiful enough to play glamour roles.  Thus, she was given the role of the mother in Lolita; the weak, tragic wife in Night of the Hunter; the cougar to Michael Caine in Alfie.  She took what Hollywood offered her and ran with it.

In Alfie she was cast as lead actress.  This doesn't mean her character has any more screen time than the other women who fill Alfie's stable.  She is, however, the woman who has the most profound affect on Alfie.  She plays Ruby, a smart, sexually aggressive older woman.  She needs nothing from Alfie but occasional sex.  As a result, he starts to fall for her.

At the end of the film, Alfie lets himself into Ruby's apartment and discovers that she already has company in the form of a naked man in her bed.  "What's he got that I don't?" he asks Ruby.  "Come on, out with it."  Shelley Winters takes a long, emotionless look at him.  There's a hint of a smile on her face, but it's a cold smile.  "He's younger than you," she says.  "Got it?"  Then she holds out her hand for her house key.  It's a line that makes you feel sorry for Alfie, who has always been the picker, chooser, user, and rejector of women.  Because of Shelley Winters' finesse with this line, Alfie knows that for the first time in his life, he's been out-gamed.

MORGAN FREEMAN

How do you boil down Morgan Freeman's career to one best role or one best scene?  Impossible.  If for some reason you don't think he's one of the top five actors of his time, think of Shawshank Redemption.  Juxtapose the following two scenes. 

The first involves his final parole hearing in prison.  By this point, he can barely remember a time when he hasn't been incarcerated.  Freedom is no longer a goal for him.  He's disgusted with the parole process, with life, and with himself.  He sits slumped in a chair, his voice low, dull, uncaring.

Lay that performance alongside the scene in which he is finally free and working as a bagger in a grocery store.  He is completely lost in his new world.  He doesn't know where to begin.  His instincts tell him to be compliant, so he is, but there is a desperation in his eagerness to please.  The pitch of his voice is higher than it was in prison.  He moves quickly and nervously as though he's waiting to get caught at something.

Morgan Freeman plays this scene so well that he makes it seem as though the lifetime spent in prison was not punishment enough.  The system saved the worst of his punishment for last--freedom.

JULIETTE LEWIS

She prefers edgy roles in non-formula types of films.  Admittedly, she's a lot to handle.  She's not a feel-good kind of actress.  Her characters are often difficult to warm up to.  Take, for instance, the pitiful character of Adele in Kalifornia.  Here, her performance is impressive, but more impressive is what Juliette Lewis chooses not to do with this character.

Adele is a young, intellectually impaired woman whose limitations lead her into a relationship with Early, a psychopath played by Brad Pitt.  Most reviews of Kalifornia describe Adele as "childlike."  She is that, but she is also annoying as hell.  She gives Early free reign to abuse her.  She often cries and begs him to be nice.  She lives in a perpetual state of denial, even in the midst of his killing sprees.  She understands that murder is wrong, but she never actually holds him accountable for his deeds.  In the end, when she does attempt to leave him, she does so because she claims he's "mean." That is the extent of her understanding of who he is.

Most actresses, in an effort to flex their skills, would try to add a dimension to Adele.  They would try to give her a glimmer of intelligence or depth.  Juliette Lewis does not.  Adele is neither intelligent nor deep.  It takes discipline for an actress to hold back like that; to play the character as she really is, not as the actress wishes she would be.

CHAZZ PALMINTERI

His career as a supporting actor has been surprisingly diverse.  Still, he's best known for playing the congenial mobster or detective.  In A Bronx Tale, he plays Sonny Lo Specchio, the mob overlord of the neighborhood.  Sonny is reminiscent of Vito Corleone in his prime.  He's well-mannered and impeccably dressed.  He is a father figure to the young ones coming up.  He has a set of rules that are very easy to follow, and there won't be any trouble as long as they're followed.

 

His best scene is one in which he plays a classic boss.  Mind you, it's not Oscar material.  It doesn't take anyone out of their comfort zone, least of all Chazz.  It's a scene that gives the audience the immediate gratification of street justice, mob-style.  It involves a group of bikers who pay a visit to one of the bars under Sonny's protection.  Initially, the bikers say all the right things and pass Sonny's test, so he gives the nod to the owner to go ahead and serve them.  However, the moment Sonny turns his back, trouble starts.  When they refuse to leave, Sonny calmy walks to the door and locks it.  "Now you's can't leave," he says pleasantly.  Violence ensues and the bikers are punished for their lack of respect.

Chazz Palminteri plays the role of the likeable heavy over and over again.  It's always good to see actors stretch, but there's also a comfort in watching an actor become the master of one type of character.

CLORIS LEACHMAN

She's a rare supporting actress in that she was never really typecast.  She played Shakespeare, drama, and comedy.  Without question, though, her finest performance was Ruth Popper, the middle-aged wife of the football coach in The Last Picture Show.

Ruth lives without hope in a small, dusty Texas town that is gradually shutting itself down.  Ruth too is shutting down until she is revitalized by an affair with a sensitive teenaged boy.  Her most remarkable scene comes when he knocks on her door, needing comfort after he has treated her shoddily for several months.  As soon as Ruth lays eyes on him, she undergoes a number of emotional transformations.  She is depressed.  She is furious.  She is nurturing.  Finally, she regains her composure and visibly strengthens.  There is not one moment in which she over-acts; she gives the scene entirely to the character.  This is to say she does not use the scene as a platform for her career .  In doing so, she was rewarded with an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.

EDWARD NORTON

Apparently there is no role he can't play.  It's quite possible that when Ed Norton is offered a role, he reads the script and just says to himself, "What the hell, I'll give it a try."  He has played goofy, dark comedy; he has played boyish, self-effacing charm; he has played full-blown badass.  The only consistency in his roles is that he seems to do best when playing responsible adults who are restless and turning just below the surface.  With one exception.


In Primal Fear, he plays Aaron Stampler, an ingenious sociopath.  There is a surprise twist ending, but suffice it to say the role is a three-for-one deal.  His best scene is the emergence of Roy, the alter ego of the stammering and confused Aaron.  There is a moment when he gets right into the face of his lawyer, played by Richard Gere.  He admits to a murder, and as he does so, he smiles.  It is more accurately a self-satisfied sneer.  When evil triumphs, that is what its smile looks like.

MADELYN KAHN

She was never so strong as when she played characters who were funny because they weren't trying to be funny.  This was especially true in her portrayal of Trixie Delight in the Depression-era film Paper Moon.  

Trixie is a quasi-prostitute who latches onto Moses Pray (Ryan O'Neal) for a quick ride.  This doesn't go over well with Moses' daughter Addie (Tatum O'Neal) who, until then, has been an effective and equal partner in her father's scams.  Addie is accustomed to sitting in the front seat.

Madelyn Kahn gave the best scene of her career (and certainly one of the best in screen comedy) when she tries to have a girl-to-girl talk with Addie.  Addie has plunked herself down on the top of a hill, refusing to budge until she is allowed to sit in the front seat again.  Enter Trixie, trundling up the hill in her frilly dress to try to make peace with the girl.  She approaches Addie as though she were a typical child, which she isn't.  That has no effect.  She then tries to talk to her as an adolescent who might be interested in cosmetics and earrings.  Again, no effect.  As Trixie's patience wears thin, she orders Addie to get her ass off the ground and into the car.  Addie doesn't move.  Finally, Trixie resorts to honesty.  It may be the first time she has ever leveled with anyone in her life.  Once she reveals herself, it's clear she's far from stupid.  She knows who she is.  She also knows she's dealing with her own expiration date.  Trixie's candor results in a cooperation between the two.  The scene is hilarious.  When I hear the cliche "comic genius," this is the scene that comes to mind.